


Operator, Get Me NAvoo 0566

by handschuhmaus



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, MASH (TV), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Bodyswap, Crack Treated Seriously
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-05-19 20:00:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19363312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/handschuhmaus/pseuds/handschuhmaus
Summary: Palpatine wakes up in an army tent (nicknamed "The Swamp" by its occupants) in 1950s war-torn Korea. Hawkeye comes to in a lavishly decorated office on Coruscant.One of them will change the other's world, the other is more apt to be changed by it.(And then there's this intentionally infuriating general of some sort visiting the 4077th,andthat one guy who "accidentally" crossed into North Korea trying to get some kimchi...)





	Operator, Get Me NAvoo 0566

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure the title is actually a plausible period phone number, but the intention is that Naboo the planet would naturally be confused with the town of Nauvoo, about which I know very little (it's in ...Illinois, right?) and Palpatine knows even less.

Palpatine awoke to someone saying, "This is awfully unlike you, Hawkeye," and sat up only to realize that he did not remember falling asleep, much less falling asleep in what appeared to be crude military quarters in a tent. 

"That's right," said a blustery and self-righteous voice, "I haven't known you to sleep this late, Pierce."

It was beginning to dawn on Sidious that he no longer inhabited his own body, and the most likely thing to do seemed to be pretending to be this "Hawkeye Pierce" character, although as yet he was unsure how he ought to respond. These two seemed to be intimates of Pierce, and if he erred greatly now there would be no hope of salvaging the part. 

Said decision lasted all of two minutes, however, because a bespectacled kid poked his head in and called "Choppers!". That he spent seconds in inaction, observing the other inhabitants of the tent, was evidently uncharacteristic of the person he hoped to pretend to be, and both the kid and the other men stared at him.

"Are you alright, Hawkeye?" the kid asked. 

"Both shifts report to the OR, immediately!" someone announced over an intercom. "OR"...did that mean a surgical theater? If so, he hadn't a hope, but how was he going to explain this bizarre happening?

"Er, no," he said uneasily, stood up, and felt the room begin to pitch around him. Perhaps it was the whole not being his his own body aspect making him awkward. Also he had a hangover worse than his previous experiences (which was not saying a lot, Plagueis' excesses having deterred him from extreme alcohol consumption.)

"Hawkeye--" one of the tent's occupants said, and as he didn't sound blustery or self-righteous it was probably the first one. "what's wrong?"

Palpatine inhaled uneasily, trying to buy time to come up with some sort of explanation (and also focusing to make sure he didn't fall over). What if whatever he said, that betrayed him as not this Hawkeye person, was enough to have him incarcerated? How had this happened?! It wasn't as if he had gone experimenting with Sith alchemy or something like that. 

"Um," he tried, grasping at preposterous straws "I seem to have lost my memory." 

"Lost your memory," repeated the blusterer, not quite as a question. "Pierce, do you mean you don't recognize me, Major Frank Burns?" 

"...no." Palpatine allowed, subtly examining Burns as best the currently miserable body would permit.

"Well, I'm your friend Trapper, Hawkeye, and you're Hawkeye Pierce. I guess you don't remember how to do surgery?"

"Alas, no," he said dryly, his own personality leaking through and probably quite different from whoever Pierce was (... _was_ Pierce in Palpatine's body?! That could be a catastrophe!)

"We should take him to Colonel Blake," Frank Burns proposed, and then corrected himself, "--no, _Corporal O'Reilly_ should take him to Colonel Blake. _We,_ McIntyre, should proceed to surgery, seeing as allegedly Pierce isn't fit for it." 

"Sirs," the kid, who was probably O'Reilly, alerted them, "Colonel Blake is busy with General Lee." 

"'General Lee'?!" Burns gaped in disbelief. "Who's that, these days?"

"Don't know, sir. He's complaining about something. I couldn't understand him and Colonel Blake said he'd be damned uh, darned, if he'd do any better but he'd best try because he is a general, sir." 

"Now Radar, don't go panicking," Trapper instructed calmly. "If Henry's too busy, why then, we'll get someone to uh, show Hawkeye around for now." 

"I can't, sir!" "Radar" protested, "I have to make some calls to fix up a suture shortage Major Houlihan reported." 

"What about, oh, Corporal Klinger?" Frank Burns suggested bombastically, "Quarantine two of the degenerates together, since you obviously have to be in surgery, McIntyre."

"Well, I guess that would work, sirs," said O'Reilly, and opened the door, motioning for Palpatine-as-Hawkeye to come with him.


End file.
